you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is Oprah even human
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
