He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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