I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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