Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
