It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
