dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
