I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
