I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
