Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
