dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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