Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
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