u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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