there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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