So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
