you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
