i jhust puked up my retainher.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize