they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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