dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
