Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
