Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
