i don't like sucking hair
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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