Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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