hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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