The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
