Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
