Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
