Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
