My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
