youre lurking in front of me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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