Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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