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So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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