No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
