Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Non-Jews are for practice
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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