Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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