had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
