I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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