I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Did I show you my penis last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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