im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
