mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
