can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
People in love make me want to vomit
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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