I hate your face
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
