She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
