And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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