In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
