I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
