He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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