I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dude. I can hear the air.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
