you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
