Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
