Your face is a jimmy john
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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