Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
