chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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