so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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