She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
