Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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