they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
