Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
