I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
