Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
