I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize