Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
