Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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