i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
