I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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