So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
